It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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