you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
