you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
