Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
