Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
