so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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