I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
