Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize