Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
