Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
