He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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