No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
