that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
