I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
