I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I want a musical about memes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
