Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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