this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
