I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize