so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
