is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize