my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
