The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
