This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
