If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
