You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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