Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
