so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
MIDGETS
????
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
