do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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