So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
