From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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