Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
