Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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