Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
