have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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