Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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