my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
