I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
