I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
