Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize