spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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