i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
