Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
