I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
