Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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