I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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