i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
