I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My dick has a subreddit
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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