I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize