so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
