i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
