The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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