I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
