I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
