what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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