i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
