spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
