Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
