I heard we made out
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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