Screwed.edu
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
