I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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