she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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