I hate your face
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
